The first is to consider your own gifts and to give them freely!  Often we undervalue our own gifts because for us, they are a given; and therefore do not seem to have a lot of value.  If they come by us easily and without struggle, then how much value can they really have?  Doesn’t everyone, after all, have these gifts?  The gift you can give someone of listening, or paying attention to them, or being aware of something that is important to them is a gift that is invaluable.  And the more you offer it, the greater your capacity to give it!

The second to consider is others’ gifts – to appreciate the gifts they offer and give freely without expectations.  Have you ever been disappointed by another person because you expected more of them then they were able to give; and overlooked their real gifts that you appreciated until they took them away by moving or by leaving the relationship or worse, by dying?  Now is the time to acknowledge another for the gifts they bring to you – maybe their laugh, their wisdom, or their listening.  And give up all of those other expectations you have for the person because all the expectations do is to cause you to be unappreciative of what they are really offering to you!

And third, consider giving yourself a new gift this season – the gift of a new way of viewing those around you, their strengths and unique value; a new way of accepting what others offer you – get rid of that pride and say thank you!; and above all celebrate your uniqueness and build on those gifts – and stop diminishing what you offer with your thoughts and your words.

~ Everyone is gifted – but some people never open their package ~ Unknown

~ The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention. ~  Richard Moss

~ A hug is a great gift – one size fits all, and it’s easy to exchange. ~  Unknown

~ They who give have all things; they who withhold have nothing ~  Hindu Proverb

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If you see everything you do as having a huge meaning for you, if you focus on the horrible consequences if you don’t do it perfectly, or when something doesn’t go the way you expect it to you assume you have done something wrong. You may well be stopped from taking any risks in the future. Or you will put up a lot of resistance to taking the actions you know are important to take but lie outside of your comfort zone.

Maybe you recognize this resistance – it seems to show up a lot for people engaged in “networking” or in asking others for help in their job search, project, marketing, sales or business development – you name it!

Don’t stop yourself, create an experiment; and design the experiment on a specific challenge, say calling people to connect with them in your job search. Try out a specific approach, like asking them for 15 minutes to pick their brain about the industry. Try the experiment by calling 25 people you know in the industry, recording the number of yeses, and the number of nos. Try the experiment again using LinkedIn to connect with people and ask them for 15 minutes. Record the yeses and nos. Now you can compare which approach is more effective. Now create an experiment talking to the first 10 yeses and asking them for a referral to simply another person. Write down the number of yeses and nos. For the next 10 yeses ask them for a referral to a good resource. Write down the yeses and nos. Which approach garners the better information? You see how easy it is to conduct these experiments?

Here are some more benefits from doing these experiments – You can celebrate showing up and giving the experiment your best; getting the practice in asking people for something; having the experience and building the confidence; and learning from the experiment! Now, what’s the next experiment?

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• Become a Believer in Asking Questions!

You are there to find out what they need. And when you find out what they need you can share with them what you have that will help them address that need and get the results they are looking for.

The key to finding out what they need is to ask questions.

In order to ask good questions you need to get a little insight into the context of the job, get a general understanding of some of the needs they may have and results they want to get – the homework you have probably already done to customize the resume you used to get the interview!

If you do days and days of preparation, and learn all about the company and about the industry and all about the issues they are facing – when you are in the interview you may be compelled to tell them how much you have learned, what you think they could be doing, and generally set yourself up for being judged and assessed for everything you say. Your time will be better spent on reviewing their materials and jotting down a few questions to ask them if you were talking to them as a consultant.

Keep the focus on the employer, listen to what their concerns are, ask questions from the perspective of the experience you have had in similar situations, and keep your consultant hat on asking “how can we work together to achieve the results you want?”

If you are stuck in your job process and not getting the interviews you want, or getting the results from the interviews, join my Career Strategy Group which meets every Tuesday morning at 9 am. Click here for more details.

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Celebrate what you accomplished!

No doubt you left behind a long list of accomplishments. If you can’t make a list of 10 – 20 things you accomplished there, ask some of your former colleagues or look at your past performance reviews and make a list of all of your successes, both big and small.

Close the door on what you didn’t accomplish!

You also probably left behind a few unfinished projects, ideas that never got off the drawing board, or things you wished you had done but didn’t. You cannot be an architect of the irrevocable past, as my Dad used to say! You did what you did and you didn’t do what you didn’t do! That is the current reality. What can you learn from that reality? Take the learning and leave the regrets. Put those concerns out the back door and close it tight!

Be selective about continuing contacts.

Pick one or two people with whom you want to keep in contact and keep in contact. They will provide continuity for you over the next few months and can help remind you about your successes and the good will you left behind. Don’t maintain contact with those who want to grouse about the organization and gossip about what is currently going on. Who cares??!!

Take a break!

Give yourself permission to decompress and regenerate yourself. Do things which energize you – maybe projects you put off; or getting into a healthier regime; getting back to nature; or reconnecting with your family and friends. Decide how long you are going to be “on vacation” before turning to the work of creating a new future.

Break the elephant into smaller pieces.

When you find yourself confused or overwhelmed, maybe you are just taking too big a bite. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! The same applies to your job search. Assemble the first tool, make the first network contact, update your profile on LinkedIn – one bite at a time! Just be consistent with taking a bite, and then the next bite and the next one.

Create a routine for yourself.

When you are on shaky ground or lost in a fog bank, it is nice to have a little structure around you – something you can count on. The job gave you some certainty, regardless of how much or little you embraced the structures like meetings and reports, and updates and deadlines. Now you have to create that for yourself. Set up a schedule for yourself each day. Or better yet, join with others to support you in your mutual quest. Join a job search group which provides accountability, ideas, resources, and contacts. There are local groups where you meet face-to-face or groups which meet over a telephone bridge line.  And when you reach out for support from others, it becomes less of drudgery and more of a group project with all the camaraderie and people there to remind you to celebrate the small wins every day!

Keep things in perspective.
Be grateful everyday and every month for having what you need. Consider that some of your old wants were to give you a reward to offset the stress of the job.  Without the stress of the job, do you really need as much? You don’t have to keep feeding the question “am I doing enough” or  giving yourself what you feel entitled to after all of that effort day after day.  And now you can be satisfied with the joys of being a human being, gloriously alive and always imperfect!

Embrace the adventure
Keep exploring and experimenting with the things that stimulate and energize you!  Do it with some friends.  Take some risks. Be curious. Be OK in not knowing how it is all going to turn out in the end.  Remember,
“The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens. “  Rainer Maria Rilke

What do you do to let go of the old job and energize the search for the new job?

To join with other motivated career seekers in a small group for accountability, resources, contacts and collaboration, contact Pegotty, moc.pamdaorygetartsreeracnull@yttogep.  Two groups have openings now, one on Tuesdays at 9:30 am and one on Wednesdays at 9:00 am, both on a telephone bridge line.  You pay $99  monthly and can join anytime.

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“The concept of being able to be ‘me’ in a resume was almost stunning. Didn’t think that was ‘allowed’. Wow!”

The response to the webinar was eye opening. Over 325 people registered in advance so the title obviously struck a note even before the webinar began.

The most telling responses on the post-event survey were all along the lines of the quote above. Over and over people implied that they thought that they had to fit into a box that didn’t allow their uniqueness and “specialness” to be expressed.

Are you hearing this anyone who is a manager or leader of people in an organization? I am willing to bet that that belief does not go away when the resume becomes an employee! How many of your employees are afraid to show their real talents and gifts for fear of not fitting in? Or perhaps out of fear of standing out?

Your Competitive Advantage

In Seth Godin’s latest book Linchpin, he says “The only way to get to new levels of effectiveness is to have people to express not suppress their specialness”.

If you are a job seeker, if you don’t distinguish yourself , you will be a victim in the new economy. If you are an employer, if you don’t distinguish yourself and your team and your organization then you will be a victim in the new economy.

Hmmm! There seems to be a good argument for putting YOU in the Qualifications Summary and then appreciating the real you in all of your workplace engagements.

I will be coaching participants at the ASAE Annual Meeting in L.A. Click here to learn more about reserving a coaching session with me at the ASAE Annual Meeting in LA Aug 21-24.  I can help you to get clarity and confidence about putting the REAL YOU in your Qualifications Summary! Or contact me for a free Career Strategy Session. You can click here to pick a time from my calendar which works for you.

Link for calendar: http://bit.ly/PegottyCalendar

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Going for an interview or exploring some potential employers?

Ask open ended questions of people you meet who work there –What do you like best about working there? What is the prevailing management style? What is the average age (or most prevalent) age of employees? How long have people on staff been on the job?

How often does the leadership meet face to face with the employees? What is important to the organization? What kinds of goals do people have? Are there incentives offered for performance? Is information shared in all directions? Is there a focus on the mission of the organization? What would you change if you could?

Do more asking than telling in the interview.

Organizations will also put as much weight on the questions you ask in the interview as the answers you give. You want to know that the job and the organization is as good a fit for you as you are for them!

Asking questions gives you an opportunity to show the depth of your listening skills and the ability you have to synthesize the responses you get in the content of the homework you have done about the organization.

And more importantly, asking questions also builds trust because you present yourself as someone who doesn’t have all the answers, who is willing to explore someone else’s ideas and it allows you to step into the other’s world and to get a sense of what they are about.

Share Your Best Questions!

What questions have you asked that have opened up conversations or revealed some very interesting information? Share those here in the comments section below!

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The chances are good they are not talking about a skills fit, an experience fit, or an accomplishment fit! Those are a given by the time you pass the screening for the interview – or they are close enough that the organization knows that what it needs to check for now is “fit”.

The questions that interviewers are trying to answer about “Fit” include:

• Do you have enough in common with and compatible with the people with whom you will be spending a lot of time?
• Do you fit into the image that the organization wants to project to its stakeholders, to its members, leaders and staff members?
• Do you share common personal and corporate values, educational background, work habits, work ethics, generational and cultural orientation, looks and outside interests?

People hire people and they view others through their preconceived notions of what make a “good fit” in their organization!

Do your homework. Keep your eyes open.

You can get a sense of what “fit” means by doing your homework –

• Reviewing materials generated by or about the organization and its leaders on their website or in the press. Checking out the bios of the key leaders and executives; review press releases and other media information about who gets rewarded for what;
• Checking out the conversations about the organization in places where employees might gather for lunch of after work. Or check with suppliers that you know provide the organization with a service or products. Is there respect among the various stakeholder groups? A good partnership between volunteers, staff and suppliers?
• Getting info from social media sites like LinkedIn, Glassdoor.com, or mentions in Twitter. From LinkedIn to get information on some current AND former staff – You can learn a lot this way and it may also lead you to introductions to those with an inside perspective.

Even on the day of the interview you can notice details along the way, in the offices on the walls that give you some clues about what is important to the organization.

Passing three levels of scrutiny:

The hiring manager and interviewers are looking at you from three perspectives:

1. What you have done based on past experience, job activities, accomplishments and education.

2. What you can do based on potential and aptitude for different projects and activities.

3. What you can do based on personal and professional goals, preferences, interests, and cultural alignment – in other words “FIT”.

So the interviewers have been applying their perception filters to this process of scrutiny. It is fair for you to put this simple, direct question about “Fit” on the table at the end of the interview:

Based on our interview today, what would be your single greatest concern about my ability to be successful in this role?

This gives you the ability to address misconceptions that may have come up during the interview process and to correct those perceptions before they become full fledged reasons why you are “not a fit”.

Perception and Adaptability

Finding a “fit” is not about turning yourself into a pretzel, as one of my colleagues described it! It is about getting the discussion about “fit” out on the table so that the perceptions about “fit” of all parties can be part of the interview. If “fit” isn’t discussed, perceptions can never be visible. If they aren’t visible, then neither party has the ability to let go of their perceptions and choose based on other evidence.

The interviewers may perceive that experience, accomplishments, aptitudes and underlying potential can carry the day. Or they may decide that there is a culture into the candidate must fit because the culture is the culture and it ain’t changing! Or the organization recognizes the need to change and is going through the painful process of letting go!

One way to move that along is to open exploration of both perspectives. And perhaps the interviewer will see that adopting a stance of adaptability can create synergies out of the disparate talents, abilities, and cultural attributes that people bring to the table, making the organization better able to anticipate opportunities and respond to challenges of this rapidly changing environment in which we find ourselves!

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Leading with heart takes courage and that “V” word – Vulnerability. Lencioni himself identifies invulnerability (the absence of trust – and a resistance to being vulnerable by trusting) as one of the Five Temptations of a CEO in a book by the same name. Lencioni challenges the reader to ask the following questions:

• Do you have a hard time admitting when you are wrong?
• Do you fear your direct reports want your job?
• Do you try to keep your greatest weakness secret from your direct reports?

There is no place to hide. While we believe we can put on a lot of bravado, our weaknesses are usually pretty evident to those who spend enough time around us. And our fear of being found out usually transmits itself without our permission through our “mirror neurons”. So it is better to accept one of the realities you will hopefully come to embrace – when you are your genuine self, warts and all, and lead with your heart (as well as your head) you will be a magnet for people. They will want to be around you and to follow you on whatever path you are taking.

For more information about either of the books referenced, go to the Resources page on and click on the book cover.

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Just the way it is supposed to work! Here are a couple of factors which can make that happen:

1. Repeated communication with your network about who you are and what you are looking for.

Sometimes the people you are talking to don’t get it right the first time. Have you noticed that you get inappropriate job listings from people you have talked to about your job search? “What were they thinking?” you might ask yourself! They heard what they heard and put it into a framework that is familiar to them. Now it is your job to retrain them and get them thinking about it from a different point of view – yours! “Thanks for the job listing. I appreciated your thinking about me. It wasn’t exactly a fit. Do you have a couple of minutes for me to clarify what I am looking for so you can be listening for the right match for me?” 

2. Volunteerism gives you access to great new network nodes!

Many high-level executives with great circles of influence participate in charitable organizations. There is no better place to connect with the people who are normally well-guarded than at the functions sponsored by organizations they hold near and dear to their hearts! When you support something important to them, you have the opportunity to connect with this person in a very profound way. This opens the door to conversations about what is important to you and soon they may offer to do what they can to connect you to someone important in your job search. The person whose network in lighting up met the CEO of a major media organization through her volunteerism which incidentally also turned into a part-time consulting  job! 

3. Online and print publications offer opportunities to connect with people representing an initiative or a project to which you could add value!

Scour the newspaper or trade publication for new legislation or new initiatives on the drawing board where you can see that stepping up with something to contribute could pave the way for a job or consulting contract. When I moved to a new city, an announcement about the creation of a management assistance program for non-profits caught my attention. I contacted the person mentioned in the article and a few weeks later, I was the consultant working with a foundation group to make it a reality. What a way to meet the movers and shakers in the community and rapidly expand my network from 0 to 100! 

4. Online publications, blogs and social networks give you the opportunity to connect with the authors and to make yourself more visible in the process. 

Connect with someone who posted an idea online by commenting on what they said and adding something of additional value. Your interest draws attention to what you could offer and increases your overall visibility in the search engines as well! 

What creative ways have you discovered to light up your network?

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Denise offered a few of the lessons she learned:

1. The buck stops here. I am the end of the line and I have to make some tough decisions. And it isn’t about me – it’s about the best decisions for the organization.

2. Personalities have to stay out of it! I have to deal with the big issues and not let the personalities get in the way!

3. I am not going to make everyone happy – the best I can aspire to is being open and honest so people will trust and respect me. This is not the same as being liked and being popular!

The pathway – as many ways as there are for using Flip cameras, that is how many ways there are of getting to the CEO spot! Denise took the route of being a professional in the industry, getting involved as a board member and then moving into the role of Executive Director when it was created for the new entity. This path was a double edged sword – on one hand she understood the passion behind the issues; and that may have narrowed her vision in some instances.

Advice to those aspiring to the CEO role –

• Consistently work on open and honest communication on issues in your organization. This starts with communication with the CEO about growing and developing yourself as a CEO. Get his or her support to develop in areas that are important for the next role you want to take on.
• Lead the staff by example and not words. This is what builds respect and trust that are so important.
• Take the time to engage with all of the different functional departments to see what the biggest issues are, and key in on a couple of things that are core to what the board views as being important. Understand the issues from all function perspectives.
• In the end, the proficiencies that are most important are:
  • Communication- clear speaking and listening;
  • The mastery of management and finance principles;
  • Listening for where the passions are – putting the right people in the right place; and
  • Leadership – getting people to want to do things because it is the right thing to do.
  • Look at the competency outline for the CAE exam, self-assess where you are strong and where you have room to grow. Then take on responsibilities outside your comfort zone to build new competencies.

And who gives you counsel?

You have to talk with someone that doesn’t have a dog in the hunt, someone to give you unbiased feedback about how you are thinking, both affirming your thinking and finding flaws in your viewpoint. This can’t be a board member or staff. It must be a trusted colleague, friend, or coach, and they don’t even have to be in your sphere of business. The important thing is that they don’t have anything to lose or gain from your decisions.

Find two to three people that you can share with like executives of organizations in like fields. I sat down with someone that had been in the field of association management and asked him what I needed to know and what I needed to do. ASAE as a resource is great for creating that network!

A word from the wise for the new CEO –

You can’t go in and start making changes. You have to find out what is working.

And as the CEO create an “owner’s manual” – this is how I work and how I like to interact with problems. An owner’s manual outlines what others can expect for us to work together. This lays the groundwork for a productive and open relationships with key staff members and board members alike – relationships which can last for decades!

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